The Man He Wanted to Be
by MadDelight
Summary: Previously: The Regret in the Agent. Initially a one-shot, now a soon-to-be multi-chaptered fic focusing on the choice our pasts lead us to make. BB
1. The Man he Is

Disclaimer:** Bones originally belongs to Kathy Reichs, but is currently under the great care of Fox, Hart, Deschanel, and Boreanaz.**

**A Booth-centered oneshot. Kind of an interesting perception, at least that's how I see it. I'm on a Bones oneshot kick. **

**Spoilers for season five. **

**------**

He hadn't always been this way: an imperative part in catching murderers and putting them behind bars. There was a time when he had been a little sleazy, a little loose, and a little less responsible.

Could you blame him? His past hadn't exactly been perfect, far from it. What, with his alcoholic father and always having to bail his brother out. His time as a sniper and in the rangers had taken its toll. Could you really blame him for turning to gambling? At least he hadn't followed in his father and brother's footsteps by having a taste for the drink.

There were some pasts that couldn't completely be forgotten. Perhaps playing a little fast and loose took his mind off the tough things. The things he had to deal with on his own until his partner came along.

It was true, his beautiful partner helped him solve more than just crimes. Being partners was about give and take. It was about having each other's backs and being there for one another. She had been there for him in more ways then she realized. Before their partnership had even begun to take off, she had helped him want to quit gambling. She was the first person he admitted his problem to, and at the time he hadn't been sure why.

The birth of his son had given him a reason to become more responsible. If Rebecca had taken up his offer for marriage, he wasn't sure where he would be now. But he was certain his partner was the reason he had become loyal.

Before therapy with Sweets he hadn't really put too much thought behind interpersonal relationships. But Bones, well she was something special. She was smart, pretty, and not to be messed with. She could hold her own. She had that sexy little smile. She could let loose, sometimes. And she solved murders with the best of them.

There was something about Temperance Brennan, that from the second he met her, made him want him to be the kind of man she thought he was.

In her eyes, he was courageous and loyal. Righteous, moral, and a good father to his son. A good friend to her and the rest of the squint squad. Good with people, and above all, a man with a good heart.

The problem was that Seeley Booth didn't always see himself as that man. Courage was something he had when necessary. It was true that when Bones was ever in a dangerous situation his courage faltered, and he feared for her life.

He saw himself as a righteous god-fearing man, which was definitely a topic he would never sway his partner on. And he tried to be the best father to his son that he could. But he had doubts. Doubts because his father had never been a good role model. Doubts because he wasn't married and Parker didn't exactly have a stable home environment. And worries that he might never be able to do a good enough job with Parker. But one word from Brennan, one little assurance, made all of those doubts and worries fade away. He could be a good father.

He had grown to see the squint squad as some of his own. People that had the good intent to catch murderers and the skills to catch them in they best way they knew how. They were his friends just as much as he was theirs.

And of course Agent Seeley Booth was good with people. He could read them, follow his gut, and just know something, somewhere deep inside him, like when they were lying. It was a talent he had grown up with. He knew good people when he saw them, and on the reverse end, killers. FBI work had only honed that natural ability.

Booth had a good heart and it was always in the right place, no matter what the outcome his intensions were always good. That meant something to him, but he wasn't sure what it meant to his partner. Of course they were good friends. Their partnership had grown in trust, give and take, and love over the years. His heart and his gut knew it as love, but what about hers? Did she feel the connection? Was it possible to cut through all that logic and reasoning to reach her heart? He thought he already had. There were moments when he let his guard down and stared intensely into her ice blue eyes, and she gave him that look like she returned his feelings. Her lips would curve into that little smirk and her eyes would glimmer. But then, one of them would always throw their guard back up, or something would interrupt them. They would go back to how it had been, never crossing their line as 'just partners'. But sometimes he wondered what it would be like to leave that guard down.

But moral? Was Seeley Booth a moral man? Every time he had to shoot someone, every time someone died by his hand, he felt less and less like himself. A part of him changed inside when that trigger was pulled, with his adrenaline pumping. Something for a split second made him feel like the man he had been before. The old Booth. Not the man he was now. Not the man that he wanted to be, for Temperance Brennan. So all of her opinions of his character could be true, so he could be the Seeley Booth his partner wanted him to be.

He spun the empty bottle of beer around on the counter. He waited at the **Founding Fathers** for her to arrive, eight o'clock like they had planned. She came in, auburn hair blowing in the wind. She was wearing a dress that more than flattered her figure, and there was that little smirk on her lips, the one that was all his.

"Booth." She smiled, sitting next to him on a barstool and gesturing for the bartender to bring her a drink.

He returned the smile and didn't have the heart to keep his guard up tonight. For him, this was a date, even if she wasn't on the same bandwagon.

"You look beautiful, Bones." He reached out and touched her hand lightly.

She laughed. "Thank you, Booth. How many of those have you had?" She gestured towards the beer bottle.

"Just two." He replied as the bartender brought him another, and brought Bones her usual drink.

Her gaze turned on him, intense and full of life. There was that glimmer in her eyes. "I'd say you've had a few more than that."

So, it was true; he made a note that her guard was lowered when his was as well. Or maybe he was just seeing things the way he wanted to see them.

He took a swig of his new beer and shook his head. "Nope. Honest. Just a few. So, don't tell me you got all dressed up for me?" He raised his eyebrows, flirting outwardly.

She seemed to be considering this. "Well, it isn't a work night and I suppose I just dressed for the occasion, a Saturday night out with my partner."

He hoped she didn't miss his appreciative grin. "Thanks, Bones."

"Ah, I never said I dressed up for you." She corrected defensively. But he wouldn't have it; he wasn't done testing the waters yet, or seeing where this building tension was headed.

He caught her chin with his fingers and turned her gaze to his. There was a heated moment between them where his fingers didn't leave her chin, and a grin crossed his lips as a smirk crossed hers. He was close enough to feel her breath on his lips. Their look was one that they had frequently shared over the years. But then, as he began to trace her jaw line lightly with one calloused finger, her guard slammed back up- the glimmer gone from her eyes, her smirk fading.

"Booth..." She took a sip of her drink and laughed softly. "This isn't a date."

He raised his guard again too, but not soon enough to completely hide the hurt that flickered in his eyes. "Maybe not to you, Bones."

And he took a long pull of beer, more upset by the increasingly shocked look on his partner's face than anything else. Maybe no matter how much he wanted to be _her _Seeley Booth, he would never be enough. Maybe she knew too much about him, too much about his past to ever fully let him into her life. He sighed and clinked their drinks in dismay.

"To partnership." He uttered the exact words he knew would put her back at ease. It drew the line in place, clearly between them.

She smiled and returned the gesture. "To partnership."

_Perhaps that's all _her_ Seeley Booth would ever have. _

*********

**A/N: Anyone call for a Brennan companion piece? **


	2. The same old Temperance

**Disclaimer:** Bones originally belongs to Kathy Reichs, but is currently under the great care of Fox, Hart, Deschanel, and Boreanaz.

**A/N: Brennan companion piece to **The Man He Wanted to Be

**originally titled **The Regret of the Agent.

**Please enjoy. **

**----------**

She was near tears, something that rarely happened. In the private of her office there was no need to wipe away the glistening drops of fluid that threatened to spill from her tear ducts at any moment. It was a natural response to the building of emotions, which was generally something she had no problem with. Logically, everyone became emotional at some point. However, it was the emotions that clouded her rational mind.

There was a man she was going to see tonight. Not just any man, her partner. He was strong and courageous, a good father, and always tried to do the right thing. He wasn't always logical, all right, rarely ever logical, he followed his gut. It wasn't the rational way of dealing with things, but she didn't protest about it so much anymore.

Tears slid down her cheeks.

There were certain things that made her who she was. A past as sludge-filled as the waters of the Chicago River. A childhood abandoned by her parents and brother. Time in the system. Foster parents that were far less than understanding. Released from the system, but not reunited with her family until much later in life. Then, the realization that her mother was deceased. A criminal father, and a brother who meant well, but could never seem to do right by it. He relied too much on their father.

Her life had turned out well, despite her turbulent past. A brilliant forensic anthropologist with multiple doctorates. A best-selling author. A renown genius in her field. And a part of the best crime-solving team from D.C.

Partners. Something she had never seen her self being a part of. A partnership that was so symbiotic in its make-up. Together, they solved the crimes and caught the killers. For the betterment of society as a whole. They made a difference.

Seeley Booth- a man who was a great as any she had known. With the capacity to catch someone in a lie, to read people in other words. With warm, reassuring eyes. With work ethics different from her own, but no less noble. With courage and caring, and a great capacity to love, despite his own hardships from his youth.

They were different. Complete opposites. But their common cause brought them together. They were together in a friendship, no, a partnership that had grown stronger from the work that connected them in the first place. She respected that. But Temperance Brennan did not see the logic in basing your sole happiness around one person despite what people in her life had told her, Angela in particular. She knew why she felt this way, rationally speaking. But Booth saw things differently. There was no reason, only feeling from Booth. But she couldn't function that way. She ran on rational thinking first, and feeling last.

She grabbed her coat and bag, flicking the lights off in her office and locking the door. It was time to head back to her apartment before going to meet up with Booth. She headed out into the parking lot and towards her car. The tears in her eyes moments before, just a nagging memory. They were irrational. Besides, she hated crying in front of Booth. It made her seem vulnerable, yet at the same time his alpha-male personality and warm eyes reassured her. There were too many inconclusive feelings when it came to Booth. Feelings that she didn't want to put to the test.

The key slid into her apartment door lock. She tossed her purse on the counter and headed into the bedroom. Her clothes were wrinkled and stained from a day of overtime work put in at the lab. Rifling through her closet she found a suitable dress, and planned on applying new makeup to hide the redness on her face from crying. She would have just enough time to get ready and meet Booth.

She saw Booth waiting at the bar as she walked in to the **F**ounding **F**athers. She couldn't help the smile that crossed her lips as she came up to her partner. It was nice to meet on a day that they hadn't been bogged down by a case.

"Booth." She sat down next to him at the counter and ordered a drink.

He smiled at her and it was all charm. The charm he used on everyone he found attractive, she noted.

He told her she was beautiful. A rough touch brushed her hand lightly.

She laughed freely. "How many of those have you had?" She gestured toward his empty beer bottle.

"Just two." He replied, reaching for a new one.

It's true that his eyes were only slightly dilated, and the alcohol wasn't that strong on his breath. "I'd say you've had a few more than that." She found herself leaning closer to her partner as she sipped her drink. The look in his eyes concerned her- they didn't hold their usual twinkle. He seemed concerned, as if lost in thought.

He broke their gaze by taking another sip of beer. "Just a few. Honest." His usual cocky grin returned. "So don't tell me you got all dressed up for me, Bones?"

She ignored the urge to glance down at her outfit, or ask if he didn't like it. She thought it appropriate for an evening out, deeming the previous urges as foolish. She would just tell him outright. "I just dressed for the occasion, a Saturday night out with my partner."

But the grin on his lips didn't waver, as his cockiness seemed to increase. Infuriatingly, she had no idea why. But nevertheless, his eyes seemed to rake appreciatively over what she had chosen.

"Thanks, Bones."

Yes, that cocky grin was definitely becoming infuriating. "Ah, I never said I dressed up for you." She expected their usual banter to ensue. He would push back. Both of them would become defensive. And their usual cycle would pick up and continue. It was a constant she relied on.

So it was surprising, but not completely unpleasant to have his fingers catch her chin lightly, to have their gazes meet. A smile crossed her lips, because his eyes had recaptured that usual twinkle. She could smell the alcohol on his breath quite strongly now, and realized that they were leaning in, like the pull of two strongly ionized magnets. Booth's warm finger began to gently trace the contours of her mandible. Emotions were rising in her again, and she was afraid of them slipping out like before.

Instantly she pulled back, reaching for her drink. "Surely this isn't date." She laughed it off.

She couldn't help but notice the sideways glance he gave her. "Maybe not to you."

Her adrenal glands began secreting, or as Booth would put it- her heart was racing. She watched him take a long sip of his beer and glance at the counter, seemingly disappointed. But she couldn't ascertain why.

There was still a chemical reaction occurring inside her that made Temperance Brennan uneasy. Did Booth want it to be a date? Had it been a date without her realizing it? Booth often said she was bad at identifying those kinds of things.

Booth raised his beer. "To partnership."

She clinked her bottle against his. Smiling slightly, feeling a bit more at ease. "To partnership." Perhaps it had been a joke.

"Is this a date?" Her stomach was turning.

Booth looked over at her, his hands gripping his beer bottle. "Not if that's going to make you leave me here. Shouldn't drink alone..." He trailed off, still looking her in the eye.

She trusted Booth. There was no reason to leave him. It wasn't as if they were alone in one of their apartments where things could easily be swayed into taking care of biological needs.

"I'm not leaving." She reached out to touch her partner's arm.

Booth's gaze fell from her own. "I've just been thinking."

"I have been thinking as well." She interjected, trying to let Booth know he wasn't alone.

He chuckled, not that she understood why. "Relax, Bones. I've just been thinking that I'd be a different person without you." His hand slowly drifted over to cover hers. Warm and calloused, his touch felt comforting.

She relaxed at the use of her nickname, a serious topic from Booth might warrant a 'Temperance'. "As I would be without you, Booth. Our whole work experience would be different. I would have never gone out in the field or helped with interrogation. It would be a whole different daily lifestyle." She concluded.

"Not just that Bones, I'd be a different person. A different kind of man." Booth's brown eyes filled with the look of far off thought from before. She had no idea what he meant, but was certain that tonight was a night to let all things out into the open.

The truth would slip from their tongues and into the open like never before.

*********

**I never intended for this to be more than a two shot.**

**But im thinking continuation is in order.**

**Agree? Disagree?**


	3. Move Forward Together: Booth and Brennan

**Disclaimer:** Bones originally belongs to Kathy Reichs, but is currently under the great care of Fox, Hart, Deschanel, and Boreanaz.

**A/N: Continuation of **The Man He Wanted to Be** Originally titled **The Regret of the Agent.

**Thanks for the alerts. **

**Epilogue: **

This conversation meant no turning back.

Brennan's light blue eyes were filled with confusion. "What kind of man would you be, Booth?" Her eyes narrowed, like when she was examining remains. "You're a good partner, Booth. And a good father. You are made of very good stuff." She placed her hand on his arm.

Booth met her gaze. "I want to be a better man for you, Temperance."

Her guard slammed up and her eyes went from warm and open to shocked. She pulled back from her partner. "You're a great man, Booth."

He moved towards her, maybe pushing too fast, but he wanted to be the way they had been moments ago. He didn't want the line to be bold and defined, he wanted it blurred. There were things from his past that he couldn't erase, but there were things in the future that he wanted and hoped to have.

But she wouldn't have it; it was clear from her body language that she was closing herself off. She wasn't ready.

"C'mon Bones." He touched her cheek lightly.

But she was trying to hold back her tears. She got up to leave, as he suspected she would. He left money on the counter and followed after her, not ready to let her go.

"Bones!" He caught up to her and grabbed her arm. He expected to get slapped, but the contact never came. "Don't do this." Booth wouldn't let her push him away again.

Brennan shook her head, but no words left her lips. Her tears were flowing freely now.

Booth wiped at her tears gently with his thumb. He placed his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him. Brennan feared losing this feeling, that's what kept her from furthering their relationship. It was Booth's open heart that kept them together, the way they were, right now. Booth's fingers traced her lips, and she felt the line begin to blur between them.

"I'm here." Booth assured.

Brennan kept herself from saying what she was thinking, deciding to enjoy her partner's company instead. There were things from her past that made her want to run. For fear of being abandoned, because she needed this in her life. Brennan needed Booth.

But maybe, in this moment, for this instant, they could both move past that. She could let go of her fears, and he could follow his open heart and they could become more than just partners. His lips brushed hers, lightly at first. Then five years of built up tension was released in a passionate kiss and their lips locked and they held each other. There, in that moment, they were moving forward from their pasts and together into a better future.

**Comments? **


End file.
